Still Trying

We get asked the question a lot, "Is she your only child?" When we say yes, the next question inevitably is, "Do you think you'll have another?" We can only answer that with a wistful, "I hope so."

I never dreamed I would have an only child, or children separated by five years. But I have learned, as much as a planner as I am, that I cannot plan everything. Some things are apparently not up to me (this was news to me). We are currently in month 25 of trying. We know we have two issues to deal with: infertility and recurring pregnancy loss. We really don't know the reason for the infertility. I am on my third and final month of Clomid to see if that can stimulate something, but beyond that, we don't know what the answer is.

I do know that once I do get pregnant, I will have to take a daily heparin shot. For some reason, I have a crazy clotting issue, and my body starts to clot around the embryo and chokes it off, resulting in a miscarriage. We hope that heparin injections will counteract that.

They always say you conceive when you "stop trying." We'll see if that's the plan. We'll give it a few more months, but we are not going to go to heroic lengths to have another baby. We just can't afford it, and I just don't feel right about going through all of that for something that may not even work. I know lots of people that have been through IV and other procedures successfully, but it's just not for us. We also have a bit of a timeline. Gary just turned 40, which I know is not old for a father by any means, but we are looking ahead at retirement, and we do not want to retire with a child in college. So, if this is going to happen, it needs to happen fairly soon.

I am so grateful for K, and am amazed that I was even able to have her at all. If she is an only child, I'll be very happy with my small family. But I don't want to give up yet.